When life takes its leave: relatives in palliative care
The diagnosis of an incurable illness changes not only the life of the person affected, but also that of their family and friends. In palliative care, medical treatment is not the only focus – the emotional, social and spiritual support of relatives is also a central element. Grief often does not begin only after death, but already during the illness itself. Compassionate bereavement support can be an important source of strength during this difficult time.
Grief begins before the farewell
Many relatives experience deep grief while their loved one is still ill. Specialists refer to this as "anticipatory grief". It may show itself in the following ways:
- Feelings of helplessness, fear and being overwhelmed
- Sleep disturbances, exhaustion and physical complaints
- Feelings of guilt, anger or inner withdrawal
- Difficulty balancing daily life, caregiving and one's own needs
These reactions are normal and reflect a deep emotional bond. Those who allow themselves to feel them and seek support can shape the process of saying goodbye more consciously.
Support during the illness
Palliative teams and mobile hospice services
Austria has a well-developed network of palliative care wards, day hospices, mobile palliative care teams and voluntary hospice services. They support not only the person who is ill, but also actively involve their relatives. The services on offer include:
- Counselling on medical, nursing and organisational questions
- Relief in home care through voluntary hospice support
- Psychosocial support from trained professionals
- Referral to social work, pastoral care or art therapy
Psychosocial support for relatives
Clinical psychologists, psychotherapists and specially trained bereavement counsellors offer individual sessions. The aim is to reduce stress, strengthen coping strategies and create space for one's own feelings. Such conversations can help in getting through particularly difficult phases.
Support for children and young people
When a parent or grandparent becomes seriously ill, children need age-appropriate support. Specialised counselling services help families to talk openly with children about illness, dying and death. Initiatives such as "Rainbows" or services provided by children's and youth hospice care offer sensitive support to young people.
After the loss: bereavement support as a companion on the way
The death of a close person marks the beginning of a new phase of grief. Some relatives feel relief, others feel numb, and many experience a rollercoaster of emotions. It is important to remember: there is no "right" way to grieve – everyone finds their own pace.
Common grief reactions
- Insomnia, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating
- Longing, feelings of guilt or persistent low mood
- Social withdrawal or a sense of inner emptiness
- Recurring memories of the illness and the dying process
For many people, such reactions ease over time. If they remain very intense over months or worsen, professional support can be helpful. In some cases, what is known as prolonged grief disorder may develop, which should be treated medically or psychotherapeutically.
Bereavement services in Austria
Across Austria, various points of contact are available for those coping with grief. Which form of support is most suitable depends on personal needs.
Bereavement groups
In facilitated groups, people who have experienced a similar loss come together. The exchange can be a relief and convey the feeling of not being alone in one's grief. Bereavement groups are offered, among others, by:
- Hospiz Österreich and its regional organisations
- Caritas, Diakonie and the Red Cross
- Parishes and church-affiliated institutions
- Self-help groups, for example for bereaved parents or surviving partners
One-to-one support
Those who prefer to grieve within the protected setting of a one-to-one conversation can turn to trained bereavement counsellors, psychotherapeutic practices or clinical psychologists. General practitioners are often a first point of contact and can refer patients on.
Bereavement cafés and low-threshold meeting places
In many cities there are bereavement cafés – open, informal meetings without registration. They offer a protected space for conversation, silence and mutual sympathy.
Spiritual and pastoral support
For people who find strength in their faith, pastoral care can be important. Hospital chaplaincy, parishes and intercultural pastoral services are available regardless of denomination.
What relatives can do themselves
Grief is a process that takes time. The following suggestions may be helpful:
- Allow yourself patience and breaks
- Maintain a regular sleep-wake rhythm and sufficient exercise
- Nurture social contacts without overburdening yourself
- Create rituals – such as places of remembrance, letters or marking anniversaries together with others
- Seek professional help early if the strain persists
Physical symptoms such as persistent exhaustion, sleep problems or loss of appetite should also be assessed medically, as grief and physical health are closely linked.
When professional help is particularly important
There are situations in which psychotherapeutic or medical support is especially advisable:
- When grief remains unchanged in intensity over many months
- In cases of depressive symptoms, hopelessness or suicidal thoughts
- When substances are used to cope with feelings
- When daily life, work or the care of children is persistently impaired
In such cases, it is advisable to contact a general practitioner, a psychotherapeutic practice or a crisis service. The telephone helpline Telefonseelsorge can be reached free of charge around the clock on 142.
Conclusion: grief needs space – and support
Bereavement support is an essential part of holistic palliative care. It helps relatives of palliative care patients to experience the time of illness consciously and, after the loss, to find a way back into life. Bereavement support in Austria is provided by a broad network of hospice services, counselling centres, bereavement groups and psychosocial professionals. Those who seek support will find it – often closer than they think.
This article does not replace medical advice.